Sunday, 2 January 2011

Happy New Year

Goodbye 2010 you were an experience.

The last year wasn't an easy one, I've had worse in some ways but this took some beating. One word. Depression.
There I said it. My therapist told me I'd probably been depressed for some time and that now I'd reached a place in my life/head where I could deal with it.
I met one of my best friends for the first time again in years this year, it was while with him that my world changed and depression stepped in. My Dr asked what had triggered it, and told me its not always a bad thing that sets it off if its caused by past events. She was right, we had a great time all of us together, but life wasn't the same for quite a long time after he left.
Some days were dark, very dark and very quiet, my oh just begging me to talk, to him, to anyone. Eventually I did, when I was ready, I've never felt so sick and scared as I was that morning in the waiting room. I finally got to see a therapist on a weekly basis who was amazing, I would like to say she changed my life but I can see and hear her - smiling at me saying I've not done owt its you doing all the work, I just listen. She covered CBT and touched on DBT with me.
We discovered that I gave myself far too hard a time and I used the words 'should'  and 'must' far too much .. I 'should' get that washing or whatever done... I 'must' do that.. there are things we should do and things we must do at certain times, but in all honesty these things are quite rare outside of work commitments, I used the words against myself to make myself feel bad for not having already done them.
I have managed to change the way that I think about things, and I even find I think about most things less and less, I take very little notice of people when I'm out now, we are all pretty similar really, just trying to find our own way through life.

The good bits:

I had my first etsy sales!
My best friend from up north came down south to surprise me :)
I met up with best friend mentioned above, and he's come to stay many times -without me being depressive afterwards ;)
Been back to where I grew up, met up with a group of friends old and new :)
Found a little bit of me, and I like it :)

Family aside I found out who my true friends are this year so here are a few quotes for you all:

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“We are friends and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.” Jeanette Winterson

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked” Bernard Meltzer


Please read this forum post You don't need a New Years Day to start afresh. Very inspiring :)

Happy New Year to you all


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